Trying to be patient when life knocks us down

Patience, my worst enemy. I knew how difficult it was going to be, but damn these days it seems everyone that I know can’t get a break!

Life happens and I understand but, how many trials do we all need to go through to finally get to the top of the mountain? Everything just always seems to be hitting everyone at the worst times and all at once. Once we figure it out, something happens that brings us two-steps back again. I know so many people who work so hard, who can give themselves the motivation to keep going, but still end up back at square one, so again I ask. How much do we need give to finally get on top of the mountain?

The destination seems endless and impossible. In a time of our lives where we are stressed over how many jobs we need to work to pay off our debts, parents that just don’t understand that sometimes we couldn’t be that person they wanted us to be, or being scared that the road ahead keeps splitting into two. At the end of the day, maybe honestly, we just don’t know what we want. That isn’t acceptable though, our lives have been programmed to have a beginning and an end, and the ending needs to have some purpose.

I think we all play this patience game, because we are waiting for something to strike us so something can make sense. What makes sense? People who dream are told not to dream to big, because in reality that dream can’t happen right away, so don’t set your expectations high. I could be wrong, but I feel we constantly push each other down rather than pushing each other up. Reality is what we make it, and if we are the ones who are being patient, maybe we should act that others are waiting for us, so we can change the lives of those around us.

Completely Blessed

It has definitely been a while since I posted anything on my blog. If any of you have been following, sorry about the hiatus my life has changed pretty quickly. I titled this post “Completely Blessed” because, that is exactly how I feel. I graduated college, took a trip to the Philippines to see my grandparents, bought a new car, and got my first “adult” job as a public relations and marketing specialist.

I guess the new challenge is making time for everything. I am still 22 going on 23, and life is still an open book for me. I want to experience the world, but it’s hard once you have bills to pay and I think everyone can agree with me on that one. It is a good feeling finally being able to rely on myself. Being away for almost 3 years, I mostly relied on my parents to pay for everything. I tried getting a job up at school, but a lot of places don’t call back once they figure out you do not live in the area.

Honestly, I did not expect to be working so early on after graduation. I interned for a small business which needed help in the summer of 2012 with social media and promotions. I did not get paid, it was more of me volunteering my time, but I wanted some experience before I graduated. My boss was a nice man, him and I kept in contact with each other once I left again for school.

Once I graduated, I contacted him again not expecting anything, just to ask if we could meet up for lunch just to catch up and maybe for me to get some connections. It just so happened that he was looking for an assistant and also more help in the social media and marketing area. The job pretty much landed on my lap, I had nothing else going on for me so might as well just take the chance. After that life started to take over and before I knew it, I had a new car in the driveway, waking up at 7am Monday-Friday, and paying my first set of bills.

It has been a crazy time, but I have been loving every minute of it. I wouldn’t change anything, I’m happy with where I am. I love being close to my parents, being able to with my boyfriend and friends. I do miss college sometimes, but everyday is rewarding knowing how great things are working out. I know it’s not always going to be sunshine and rainbows, but with how everything has happened, I do and still feel completely blessed. Everything is a lesson and now with experience I can figure out what I need to do, to get where I want to be for my future.

initium

The old saying is, “People come and People go” now that I am almost done with my college career, I am looking back at old pictures and statues. I think about how I have changed as a person, and who I am ready to become once I set forth on this new journey of post-graduate life. It is scary to think that soon, my fellow colleagues and I, will be off doing our own thing in a few years. Who knows? maybe get married, start a business, travel across country, have kids, or maybe simply moving out of our parents house.

I remember there being a time when my friends and I would sit around at our sleepovers and how we couldn’t imagine not being able to see each other on the weekends. It was a thought that we never wanted to think about, and now we are living it and it is weird. Sometimes I feel we try to stop the inevitable, and that is moving on. Now that we are older, we each have our own responsibilities, we all started relationships, finishing/still/planning going to school, and my best friend just moved into her first and new apartment.

I seriously wish sometimes I can scream, “I DON’T WANT TO GROW UP!” and then just stop. Moments go by way to fast, and memories in a blink of an eye. The world is always going to keep spinning, and it is nights like tonight when I realize how fast it is really going. Life is meant to be experienced, and with experience only comes lessons learned and good stories to tell.

I think of all the good and bad that has happened in the past and I am humble. It stays in the past because something better is always waiting for us, and once you put it behind you, you are ready to move on from whatever is holding you back. It takes bad choices and mistakes, but eventually we learn and make it to the top. I don’t know how I am going to feel once, I am home for good, but I know it is just another chapter of my life closing and it is just time to turn the next page.

Distance

Distance, has become my best friend and enemy. Distance is a bittersweet relationship and definitely one you do not need to put any work towards, it is a relationship you just dive right in and see what happens.

Distance has created the best memories and also the worst. Being away from family and friends for the first time, has put a toll on family conversations, keeping up with friends, and now a new developing relationship.

Distance has given me the freedom I needed for a long time. Finally, being able to make my own choices and feeling like I can rely on myself. Distance also creates loneliness, and soon you might pile up a list of things you might regret and many nights waking up in empty beds and awkward looks in the dining hall.

What is really happening? Distance turned to loneliness, and loneliness turned to wild nights, wild nights turned into cold beds.

Distance does not just become a enemy of your current relationships, but also within ourselves and what I believe shows, how we constantly need to be reminded how we want to feel needed and special.

The new relationship is in distance due to being hours away from each other, but distance is also missing the touches, the intimacy, the smiles and laughs. Life is already going to fast to miss more opportunities of small joys like that.

Distance creates fondness and a strong bond. It gives you excitement when you haven’t seen that face you have been wanting to see. When you feel you were only able to see that face in your dreams, and now it is right in front of you.

Distance can get the best of anybody. Distance is not a weakness, it is an experience we have all done and shared. The difficulties behind distance, are broad that it seems to be one of those things, that we can all understand, but can only explain in so many words.

Distance, is a big monster to tackle, and for those going away for the first time. I am now a senior with 7 weeks left until I graduate. Embrace, your changes and when distance gets hard, always remember who can be on the other end of line.

#newgenerationproblems

Before meeting my current boyfriend, I have been on a ton of dates! It was at a point that I was going on a date basically every weekend the year before I met my new boyfriend. Dating was a new scene for me when I started getting back into the swing of things.ย 

My last relationship was someone I met in high school, dating back then was more innocent, fun, and playful. You know the feeling, walking down the hallways holding hands and everyone is staring at you. Whether you admit it or not, you basically were showing off. Dating in college, is just a whirlwind of over analyzing, no trust, and constant worry. It is scary and I don’t blame anyone who doesn’t want to be tied down when attending college. I have had my fair share of casual outings, small lunch dates, to hook ups. I feel I have experienced the generation of this new dating. This new dating era, is silent just an endless of dead silence.

Communication, is key in every situation, I am ashamed to say that in a world where my generation is considered the smartest, because of the advancement of technology, we are also considered the generation with a lack of social skills. Dating has become that way too.

Talking over the phone has become such a fear, that to me it is unacceptable. This might be old fashion, but if you are a man and you like a woman you should call her. Calling shows her that you want to invest the time with her and that you care. I don’t care what anyone says, but texting is the not the same as calling. Texting creates a lot of misunderstood messages, and kissy and winky faces should not be the equivalent of words that I think anyone would rather hear.

I remember I would ask guys to call and how awkward they would feel because I asked. I guess it is hard being in college, because guys are not looking to settle down with someone they just want to have fun, as women do also. Sex is given way to easily now I believe, which confuses both parties. Men use love to get sex, and women use sex to get love. It is true. Men know that women want to find love and they will find ways to manipulate that idea to get their “7 minutes… or less in heaven” and women know that men want sex and feel that it is going to lead them to love.ย 

Not saying that it doesn’t, because I know a few relationships that are still going strong and sex was the first thing, before a relationship. As humans we all have needs, we all look for a companion even just for a night, because we are a social species, we are programmed to interact with each other, so it is not a surprise that sometimes we get lonely. Believe me, that one hot steamy night, is definitely okay once and awhile.ย 

As young adults we cannot be roaming the earth like this forever. There needs to come a point in time when we need to get ourselves in check. Finding love is hard enough, finding a boyfriend/girlfriend is I think, the hardest part of it all. I believe it is because, we just don’t care anymore. We don’t care who we hurt, we don’t care who we sleep with, we don’t care about traditional ideas, it is just a big pile of No F**** given!ย 

No matter how much you text a person, it comes down to the effort! When a woman or man shows effort it gives the person they are seeing a positive feeling and reassurance. We play so many head games with each other, no wonder why we all develop so many trust issues men and women alike, because we just want to get what we want and that is it. How about this? let’s treat people respectfully. Let us treat people like beings and acknowledge that they exist. Awkward conversations and ignoring happens way to often.ย 

I also feel it is the way of thinking of men and women. Men, do not think that every women wants to have sex with you, just because we are being nice and maybe a little flirtatious, they are not signs of ” I am going home with you tonight” Women, do not think men want you either, just because he is texting you or talking to you doesn’t mean he wants a relationship or that he really likes you, women need to stop assuming that so we can stop being so nervous around men. Let us just be cool with each other, go to the bar have a drink, laugh, be happy, make good conversation and just take it from there. One easy step at a time. I honestly, would not mind going back to high school, so dating can just be simple again.ย 

First Week Blues

Anxious, nervous, excited, the unknown waiting to happen as I sat in the car with my parents waiting to see the big sign, WELCOME TO SUNY PLATTSBURGH. This semester is going to be a whirlwind of experiences, because it is my last semester at Plattsburgh, a place that I have called my home for five semesters now. It is depressing to think that this is it, soon real life will hit and I will venture out with just a diploma and resume in hand hoping someone or something will come out and reach out to me, so I can find my purpose in life. Instead of focusing on the future, I want to stop and focus what it is in front of me. The first week is always the longest, it is the pace you set yourself for the semester, but for me it is my last time experiencing everything the “first time”. I can say it is bittersweet. I bet whoever is reading, figured this would have been a normal post, about a typical first week, but my first week was letting everything overwhelm me in a good way. As seniors we all say “We will never accept leaving.” but, you eventually do, and when you come to those terms, just have a smile and remember all the good you have done and all the bad you are going to change once you go into that “unknown” because, you know better now.

I remember when graduating high school, we all lined up at the end of the building and as we started walking outside, a normal walk turned, slow motion as I made my way down the hallway looking at everything that had once been mine. Classrooms, bathrooms, labs, lockers, offices, and cafeterias, they all suddenly all became so distant, as I walked passed every one of them, but I knew I was leaving behind a good legacy of myself and that is what made it so great, because every inch of space of the building has a memory and as corny as it sounds, memories live on.

I believe that it is the fear, the fear of being forgotten. Now that the timing is so close, do you wonder, “Did I do enough?” but, even if you joined a million clubs or stayed in the comforts of your dorm or home. This is senior year! and this is your time to shine! I can say the first week blues for me, was a reminder that soon the time will run out, but just take in everything right now before that clock strikes. One, thing I can suggest is take a long way back to your dorm or apartment and really look, and really concentrate on what you are looking at. Breathe and look at your surroundings and you will be washed over with some first week blues, knowing this could be the last time you will be there. Don’t push yourself out of the comfort limits, but really make this semester or year a good one. So when you do take that final walk, you will leave everything with accomplishment, and then after will come the next “first” and that is working that 9 to 5. That is really a first week blues.