Trying to be patient when life knocks us down

Patience, my worst enemy. I knew how difficult it was going to be, but damn these days it seems everyone that I know can’t get a break!

Life happens and I understand but, how many trials do we all need to go through to finally get to the top of the mountain? Everything just always seems to be hitting everyone at the worst times and all at once. Once we figure it out, something happens that brings us two-steps back again. I know so many people who work so hard, who can give themselves the motivation to keep going, but still end up back at square one, so again I ask. How much do we need give to finally get on top of the mountain?

The destination seems endless and impossible. In a time of our lives where we are stressed over how many jobs we need to work to pay off our debts, parents that just don’t understand that sometimes we couldn’t be that person they wanted us to be, or being scared that the road ahead keeps splitting into two. At the end of the day, maybe honestly, we just don’t know what we want. That isn’t acceptable though, our lives have been programmed to have a beginning and an end, and the ending needs to have some purpose.

I think we all play this patience game, because we are waiting for something to strike us so something can make sense. What makes sense? People who dream are told not to dream to big, because in reality that dream can’t happen right away, so don’t set your expectations high. I could be wrong, but I feel we constantly push each other down rather than pushing each other up. Reality is what we make it, and if we are the ones who are being patient, maybe we should act that others are waiting for us, so we can change the lives of those around us.

What today taught me

As I sat in class, I realized how much time has passed by. I am senior in college, and I plan on graduating in the fall. Today, showed me how much I still need to learn and experience to be ready for the “real world”

The “real world” scares me, it haunts me, and teases me. No matter how much I feel I am ready to graduate, I feel I would never be ready for what the future holds. It scares me knowing that I could fail, it scares me that after a hard four years I might not get a career that I am working hard for.

My family and friends say, just focus on the present. If you focus on what is in front of you now then the big things will happen for you. I feel that is just me personally, I always focus on the future, I always think of things before, decisions are even made. I look at all aspects of a situation and figure out all outcomes. I don’t know why I do, I have been doing that since I could remember.

I sometimes drive myself crazy, but is it wrong to worry? Graduating in the fall, is a challenge. You feel that you need to soak everything in, trying to fit all those “last first times” keeping up with your friends, and staying on top of your school work. You want to experience as much as you can, because college is the glory days of having fun and feeling young forever.

Taking my law exam and ending the day with a poor grade. I find myself thinking, am I truly ready? Maybe, it is just the first weeks of the semester just piling up, but I have nothing to fall back on.

That is what’s scary. You have nothing to fall back on, you only have yourself and it is up to you, to figure out your path. Since kindergarten, school is all we know and now you are transitioning into a phase where you have no safety net.

What I learned today, is to keep working hard, and turning the negative thoughts into positive ones, so that can be the catalyst in myself and hopefully a bright future.